The 100 Crore Lemons

The janta review of Kites and Raavan was swift and cruel. F-L-O-P. Flop. That’s real bad news for the common producer of both films – Reliance Big Pictures. Sources say the company has lost upwards of Rs 100 crore on these films. By its current scale of performance, Raavan looks to sink lower than the other mega-budget dud – Kites.

Both films had extensive pre-launch promotions. Alas – promotions ensure that a film has a good opening over the weekend. That’s it. After that, it is the content of the film itself which will make it swim or sink.  Beating poor reviews and word-of-mouth ratings, Kites managed a good opening weekend, netting in Rs 30 crore.

Raavan has collected less than Rs 20 crore at the close of its opening weekend. This week onwards, Raavan has a clear run with no competing releases. Yet, analysts predict it will sink further.  Nothing can salvage Raavan with its below average opening of 50% across the country.

Kites and Raavan were expected to follow Raajneeti’s rocking show at the box office.  Instead, the films have become Bollywood ki Aag. That’s something, even by Bollywood standards of expecting the most unexpected.

Was it the actors?  Raavan is Abhishek Bacchan’s third film with Mani Ratnam. After Yuva and Guru, expectations were sky-high from Abhishek Bachchan. (We tend to dismiss Delhi 6). What the janta saw was largely dismissed as hamming and posturing, amateurish and naive.  Questions raised on faking the much-vaunted dive didn’t help.

Hrithik was appreciated in Kites for his good looks (which the camera made love to, framing him in tight close-ups and bare torso scenes). Jai faltered, Hrithik didn’t.

Scintillating Barbara Mori looked pretty in Kites. So does Aishwarya in Raavan. Luminous, floating around in the forest, long curly drenched hairpiece and carefully crafted no make up look.  So we’ve heard of the chemistry between the stand-in Sita and the shrieking baddie. We think back to the mock fight when the same pair landed on a bed in Guru and phuuuuuus- zilch. Aishwarya, I suspect, still looks hottest with Hrithik.  Hrithik and Barbara’s crackling chemistry and smouldering looks kept Kites ticking.

Both films are richly crafted and produced – sweeping shots, stunning locales, jungles, waterfalls, but where is the story? So Kites was painful and downright silly in the second half. With Raavan and its confusing plot (Beera is Raavan, Robin Hood or Veerappan), why does Vikram wear aviator glasses in the jungle (he’s a cop, they cost a lot, no?) and run slo-mo, etc, etc. The plot rests mostly in Mani Ratnam’s head.

To sum up, here’s what I am saying other filmmakers should avoid like the plague:

• Avoid bumbling actors who ham for the camera
• If your film is titled Raavan, don’t hope that Sita will see it through
• Get a lead pair who look hot together
• Let the story out of the director’s head and out there for the audience
• Acknowledge the use of stuntmen/women
• Don’t get Ma and Pa to defend your film
• Think of a strategy to counter word-of-mouth ratings and reviews
• Don’t let others in Bollywood poke fun at your expense and ask RGV and KJo to take their tweet battles offline

Read my colleague Rummana’s review of Raavan here. ‘Abhi-Ash are insufferable’, she says. And here’s the trailer.

Now vote here and tell me what you think is the reason for Raavan’s no-show:

Why Kites Didn’t Soar

Finally managed to watch ‘Kites’ a little less than a week after it was released, thanks to the ban imposed by The Karnataka Film Chamber of Commerce. Now that it’s a week old, I don’t have to worry about playing spoil sport if I give the end away…So here goes my take on it:

Brilliantly filmed by Ayananka Bose, Kites is a potpourri of all the elements that is true of a typical Bollywood masala film. The film has some awesome action scenes. The sizzling chemistry between the lead pair, the cool cars, Hrithik’s dance moves and one or two hummable numbers make the movie definitely a one-time must watch.

Hrithik with his Hispanic looks has been strategically packaged for Hollywood, he dances like MJ, he can fight like Keanu Reeves (Matrix, Speed ishtyle), he definitely looks like a Greek god, and he can sing too (the title song has been sung by Hrithik), all in all he throws in a commendable performance.

Why then is it not working with the Indian audience while it soars in the international (namely UK and US) box office? Well, first of all, the mix of English, Hindi and Spanish doesn’t really work for the most of us and we hate reading subtitles too. Also, typical Bollywood film buffs like their heroes to vanquish all odds and overcome every adversity, so the heroine’s Thelma and Louise like resignation to die and the tragedy-struck Hrithik’s jump to death, kind of defies the fundamental premise of our expectation to see our hero emerge victorious.

Kangana Ranaut’s sketchy character development coupled with the villain, Nick Brown’s terrible acting doesn’t contribute much to the film. The screenplay falters more than once and the climax doesn’t quite pay off. It’s much better than most of the stuff we have recently watched but it could have been much better, only and only if the script had been tighter and the plot better executed. I might want to watch it again, only for Hrithik.