The 100 Crore Lemons

The janta review of Kites and Raavan was swift and cruel. F-L-O-P. Flop. That’s real bad news for the common producer of both films – Reliance Big Pictures. Sources say the company has lost upwards of Rs 100 crore on these films. By its current scale of performance, Raavan looks to sink lower than the other mega-budget dud – Kites.

Both films had extensive pre-launch promotions. Alas – promotions ensure that a film has a good opening over the weekend. That’s it. After that, it is the content of the film itself which will make it swim or sink.  Beating poor reviews and word-of-mouth ratings, Kites managed a good opening weekend, netting in Rs 30 crore.

Raavan has collected less than Rs 20 crore at the close of its opening weekend. This week onwards, Raavan has a clear run with no competing releases. Yet, analysts predict it will sink further.  Nothing can salvage Raavan with its below average opening of 50% across the country.

Kites and Raavan were expected to follow Raajneeti’s rocking show at the box office.  Instead, the films have become Bollywood ki Aag. That’s something, even by Bollywood standards of expecting the most unexpected.

Was it the actors?  Raavan is Abhishek Bacchan’s third film with Mani Ratnam. After Yuva and Guru, expectations were sky-high from Abhishek Bachchan. (We tend to dismiss Delhi 6). What the janta saw was largely dismissed as hamming and posturing, amateurish and naive.  Questions raised on faking the much-vaunted dive didn’t help.

Hrithik was appreciated in Kites for his good looks (which the camera made love to, framing him in tight close-ups and bare torso scenes). Jai faltered, Hrithik didn’t.

Scintillating Barbara Mori looked pretty in Kites. So does Aishwarya in Raavan. Luminous, floating around in the forest, long curly drenched hairpiece and carefully crafted no make up look.  So we’ve heard of the chemistry between the stand-in Sita and the shrieking baddie. We think back to the mock fight when the same pair landed on a bed in Guru and phuuuuuus- zilch. Aishwarya, I suspect, still looks hottest with Hrithik.  Hrithik and Barbara’s crackling chemistry and smouldering looks kept Kites ticking.

Both films are richly crafted and produced – sweeping shots, stunning locales, jungles, waterfalls, but where is the story? So Kites was painful and downright silly in the second half. With Raavan and its confusing plot (Beera is Raavan, Robin Hood or Veerappan), why does Vikram wear aviator glasses in the jungle (he’s a cop, they cost a lot, no?) and run slo-mo, etc, etc. The plot rests mostly in Mani Ratnam’s head.

To sum up, here’s what I am saying other filmmakers should avoid like the plague:

• Avoid bumbling actors who ham for the camera
• If your film is titled Raavan, don’t hope that Sita will see it through
• Get a lead pair who look hot together
• Let the story out of the director’s head and out there for the audience
• Acknowledge the use of stuntmen/women
• Don’t get Ma and Pa to defend your film
• Think of a strategy to counter word-of-mouth ratings and reviews
• Don’t let others in Bollywood poke fun at your expense and ask RGV and KJo to take their tweet battles offline

Read my colleague Rummana’s review of Raavan here. ‘Abhi-Ash are insufferable’, she says. And here’s the trailer.

Now vote here and tell me what you think is the reason for Raavan’s no-show:

Raavan Review: Abhi-Ash Are Insufferable

Don’t know where to start, it is difficult to imagine that a director as talented as Mani Ratnam conceived the film and actually went ahead to execute this flight of fantasy. The Ramayana-inspired plot has no new twist in the tale, from Sita’s haran to Sita’s agnipariksha, Ratnam hardly ever digresses from the predictable narrative to add anything new to the story to keep the audience hooked.

The first half of the film is spent in futile foreplay trying to portray Beera as the ominous villain. Bachchan Jr provokes neither fear nor awe; rather his attempted eccentricity manages to repulse the audience so much that some left the theatre during interval. Abhishek wears everything from soot to mud and even turmeric to appear dark and dangerous but nothing masks his total ineptitude as an actor to execute the layered character of Beera. He sleepwalks through the film and it is difficult to imagine that this is the same actor who was the conflicted yet endearing Lallan Singh in Yuva or the imposing yet flawed Gurukant Desai in Guru.

The less said about Aishwarya’s performance the better. For the most part, she looks possessed, her performance inspired either by Vidya Balan in Bhool Bhulaiyaa or Urmila Matondkar in Bhoot. When she is done screaming and contorting her face to convey everything from pain to love to angst, she attempts the Jolie pout to appear vulnerable and sexy.

Much has been said of Vikram’s arrival in Bollywood, but he disappoints as Dev Pratap Sharma. The multi-faceted actor who pulled off three diverse characters with ease in the Tamil film Anniyan, failed as ‘Ram’, probably because he was simultaneously playing Raavan in the Tamil version. His character comes across as more negative than heroic.

Of the cast, only Ravi Kishan and Govinda are worth a mention. The characters of Raavan are mere caricatures; Ratnam’s Roja had beautifully portrayed the pangs of separation of a couple, the desperation felt by someone trying to find a loved one and the fear built by the uncertainty in the plot. We feel none of that in this film. It was a torturous experience and left me with a throbbing headache. Watch it if you must for the visual treat and for the brilliant cinematography by Santosh Sivan and V. Manikandan.

To Raavan or To Raavanan?

A Mani Ratnam tag is good enough reason to go pick up a ticket and just watch whatever comes on-screen. Considering the man has tried something new this time, i.e., shoot Hindi and Tamil versions simultaneously with pretty much the same cast is yet another reason to check this out.  However, there is no way  I’d be watching a film starring Abhishek and Aishwarya on-screen even if I had Mani for company. I mean, Abhishek Bachchan to me is television material at best. So is his dear wife. In fact, I  just realized that Guru and Yuva too were idiot-box flicks for me.

To me, it shall be Raavanan (in Tamil) and not Raavan (in Hindi). I’d watch the Tamil version simply because it would present Vikram (the dude from Chennai who plays the Tamil version of Abhishek) in an entirely new light. There is no doubt it will go down as one of Vikram’s best essayed roles, besides films like Pithamagan and Sethu. Playing a negative role in a Mani Ratnam film has a lasting impact. How can one ever forget Kamal Haasan in Nayagan or Mammooty in Dalapati?

Raavanan is expected to bring out different shades and the true caliber of Vikram, the in-form character actor to have emerged from Chennai in recent times, besides Surya. I am excited at the prospects of what it can do for his career, besides the big break in Bollywood with the Hindi version. And of course, there is A. R. Rahman to add some spice to all the cinematography and make it a treat for all senses, to say the least.

So tell me, which version will you watch? And why?